Mother’s Day Historically is a special occasion celebrated in many parts of the world to honour mothers and other significant adult women who have significantly influenced and shaped our lives, our families, and the communities in which we live.
Traditionally we have left it up to the children to plan gifts and activities for the special day. How many times have we all heard when asking the mothers partners what the plans are for Mother’s Day, we hear she is not my mother! I am very perplexed by this response.
A fun fact: Anna Jarvis was in her 40s when she began advocating for Mother’s Day as an official holiday to honour her mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis. The first celebration of what we now recognize as Mother’s Day took place in 1908 when Anna Jarvis was 44 years old. The concept and the organisation and celebration of Mother’s Day was led by adults.
This Mother’s Day let’s not forget our amazing stepmothers whom as partners you have chosen for them to be a significant adult in their lives.
- Simple Gestures: Sometimes, a small gesture can mean a lot. Consider sending her a card or flowers to acknowledge her role as a stepmother. This shows that you’re thinking of her without necessarily committing to a large event.
- Shared Activity: Invite her to join you and your family for a Mother’s Day activity, like brunch or a walk in the park. Keep it casual and in a public setting, which can help reduce tension. This also gives everyone space to engage at their own comfort level.
- Set Expectations: If you’re organizing a larger gathering, let everyone know what to expect in terms of timing, activities, and who’s attending. This can help avoid misunderstandings or uncomfortable situations.
- Communicate Boundaries: If you have boundaries that you want to maintain, it’s okay to communicate them politely. For example, you might say, “I’d like to keep things simple this year, so we’re planning a small brunch. I hope you can join us.”
- Keep It Short: If you want to avoid extended interactions, consider planning a shorter event. This can help prevent tension from building up over time and allows everyone to enjoy the occasion without feeling pressured.
- Find Common Ground: If possible, find topics or activities that you know she enjoys. This can create a more positive atmosphere and make it easier to connect.
Navigating Tension and Awkwardness
- Stay Neutral: Try to remain calm and neutral, even if conversations become tense. Changing the subject to a lighter topic can help defuse awkward moments.
- Focus on the Positive: Emphasize what you appreciate about her role as a stepmother, even if the relationship isn’t perfect. This can help create a more positive atmosphere.
Next Steps
I hope these suggestions help. If you’d like further advice on dealing with specific challenges in your stepfamily, or if you have other questions, I’m here to assist. Would you like to explore a different topic or ask follow-up questions?
Dr Sonia Cann-Milland
Renewed Beliefs Counselling
0412140099